my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
