the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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