i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
