I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
