when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
