Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
