I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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