Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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