I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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