Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
