I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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