I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
