my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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