Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
