im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
