So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
