ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
