At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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