margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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