kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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