thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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