You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
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I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
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I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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