My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
