Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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