I just made out with a guy for $7.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
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just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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