Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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