It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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