During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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