I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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