You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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