The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
