I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
