1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's no shave November. This is our time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
