my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
