Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
