There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
