Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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