I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
