So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
