Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
