We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
