I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize