I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
