I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
