just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
