so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
