first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't put those talents on a resume
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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