at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
only if we run a train.
done.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
3 2 1 whiskey
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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