So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
