Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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