could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
