i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
