either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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