What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
