just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Randomize
