Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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