I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
