dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
