i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
