Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
