just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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