Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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