Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
