You can't special order awesome
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
