peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
