im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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