The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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