my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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