You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
