i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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