the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
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