do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
