I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
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They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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