His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
