I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
