You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think a kid would responsible me up
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
